4 years ago this week...

I found out I was expecting. It was surreal. After eight years of trying to get pregnant, we were just amazed at those words from my cute Dr - who just about did cartwheels down the hall for us ... "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" I'd gone though 6 attempts at artificial insemination, 2 invitros (IVF), and 3 frozen embryo transfers. My first IVF landed me in the hospital for a week and gave me 3 failed frozen transfers. Saying I was devastated doesn't even begin to describe it. Trying again was such a difficult decision - emotionally and financially, but thankfully and mercifully the second IVF was successful.

I've been thinking a lot about my feelings four years ago and how much I've grown and learned through my experiences with infertility. One thing is for sure, once infertility is a part of your life, it is always a part of who you are. It doesn't have to define you, but at times it truly does encompass you, almost to suffocating.

I love the following song about infertility. It truly is how I felt - I would die for that.



I know many of my friends are still trying; some with invasive medical treatments, some waiting for the miracle of adoption, some are struggling with secondary infertility, some have recurrant miscarriages. I just want anyone who reads this and aches for a child to know that you are not alone. I have been in the depths of despair and have plead for Heavenly Father to send me a baby. I will never forget how I felt not knowing if Scott and I would ever create life. I love each of my children and I love each of the ways they came into my life and taught me more than I ever thought possible to learn. But there were days I didn't want to learn anything, I just wanted it to end. My trial with infertility is now over, but I am always aware that for others it is ongoing. For you, I pray it will also end soon and that the outcome will be wonderful.